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Tag Archives: tv

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1. Holy sheeshing fudge crap! You must watch “Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt” on Netflix! It’s really good. Which is weird, because it’s a t.v. show. But it is! It just came out this month, and every episode of the first season is available to watch. Thank gosh and his son jeepers we live in 2015 where no one has any patience and we all just want to binge watch 8 month’s worth of work in one sitting!

2. It’s almost spring. I went outside the other day and I wasn’t cold! I heard this weird noise and then I realized that it was a bird chirping! Wow. Spring.

3. This year I paid attention on St. Patrick’s day and I was terrified and embarrassed. Why are all these Americans pretending they like beer?! Also, no, you’re not Irish. Calm down. Also also, good job pulling out the iron to get the wrinkles out of that green shirt you keep in your closet to wear once a year. You yanks!!

4. Once an Irish person (like, a real one) called me a yank and I was like, “Uh-uh! Only my people get to use that word!”

5. Ok, we get it, you read Hemingway and Vonnegut! But like, really, what do you read?

6. Bukowski hated Shakespeare, too.

7. Did people share pictures of themselves in their bathroom mirrors before the internet? How did we all communicate before Facebook?! Remember telephone conversations? Yeah, me too! Weird.

8. It’s almost sidewalk chalk season. Also hopscotch. Also jump rope. Wait, we’re all still 8, right? Just kidding, these activities are ageless. For-all-ages. Let’s get chalky.

9. It’s so hard to motivate yourself when you have no motivation to motivate yourself.

10. Find a goal.

1. Recently while watching TV at work I yelled “Your boobs look great!” at an infomercial about “special” bras. These things happen.

2. All I really want is a pouty European boy with a weird accent.

3. How long has it been since you built your last couch cushion fort?

4. If someone warns you that your beverage is hot, don’t test it out for yourself and burn your tongue. Just believe them.

5. There are people out there doing what you want to be doing. Maybe you think you can’t do it – but you can! They did!

6. What ever happened to Lady Gaga? Remember her?

7. I really want to hire a Psychologist and have them diagnose people with different mental disorders by only looking at their tumblr pages.

8. Just because spellcheck says it’s a word, doesn’t mean you’ve got it right. (Actual real life Facebook example: “Some of Gods greasiest gifts are unanswered prayers!!” So greasy.)

9. Sometimes I think people just keep the Starbucks cup they got that one time and refill it with coffee from home. You don’t actually go to Starbucks that often, right? Right?

10. It’s time to step it up a notch. Turn it up a step. You get what I mean. Go for broke! Go big or go home! Go to Bed! Wait, what?