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Of course the one person I want to be around is always nowhere to be found. Of course we can’t be together. Of course there’s never any time to say anything. It’s never been like this before. These new ¬† experiences are fun and interesting and overwhelming. And I can’t even say that; there’s no time. There’s never enough time. It’s never been like this before. There’s always been silences, breathing room, space to think. No longer. Days move by, solid chunks of time filled with work, with doing things, with emails, with phone calls, with brisk walks across bricked streets. Days blur together: is it still Wednesday? Isn’t this what a Saturday feels like? How many days has been since we were in that room together? How many days since we last spoke? Too many. Too many days altogether. Too much living. Too much life.

And yet at other times there’s entirely too much emptiness. You sit across the table from me but that space between us might as well be stretched across an entire continent. It doesn’t matter how much time there is if there’s nothing to say, if no one is willing to say it. It’s never been like this before. It’s always been easy or it’s always been nothing. This is a combination of something and nothing and difficulty. I’m struggling against something I can’t quite see and there’s too much time to wage this war. It never ends. Nothing changes. It’s always you and me and silence. And no one wins.

1. Every time I get a text message, my heart beats a little faster because it might be from you. Or maybe that’s some weird medical condition? Hmm.

2. What would the world do if banana bread had never been invented? What would people do with all of their overripe bananas?!

3. Your goal shouldn’t be to save the world, just to help make it a little bit better. If we all do small things, big things will happen.

4. Don’t let people walk away –¬†literally or figuratively or both – if you still have something to say to them! It sucks, and it’s going to suck more later, thinking back on it. Be strong in the moment and say it!

5. They probably love you back.

6. If you have a positive attitude about it, it’s more likely to happen.

7. Horoscopes may or may not be true, but they’re fun to read! Right? Leo and Cancer are made for each other this month! How cool is that?

8. If you’re doing something for the wrong reasons, other people will know that something’s not quite right.

9. Stop assuming that people who walk around looking unhappy are unhappy! Maybe that’s just the way their face is – it’s not your job to tell complete strangers to cheer up! “Smile!”¬†Stop doing that! You’re just making them even more pissed, or, if they were perfectly OK to begin with, now you’ve went and made them angry!

10. If you’re unhappy with your life, maybe you just need to buy more pillows for your bed. Hey, it could work.