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Tag Archives: save the earth

1. We’re not dead yet!

2. Be kinder. But on the other hand, people who think climate change is fake are responsible for the continued destruction of our one and only goddamn beautiful planet Earth. So what can we really do?

3. Sparkles!

4. Politics is war.

5. Let’s all remember that one time in 2012 when Josh Tillman (Father John Misty) tweeted @ me about my dad being a fan COS WE ALL NEED SOME GOOD MEMORIES IN THIS DAY AND AGE

(shout out to Walmart’s wall of fake flowers and that black coat that kept me warm for several winters)

6. I see your 24-hour cold brew coffee and raise you my half-full of cold coffee french press which has been left abandoned on my desk for a week. Take that, hipster scum!

7. Grow a garden. Plant trees. Sunshine.

8. Read something by Alan Watts (or Carl Sagan or anyone)

9. Podcasts are great. Podcasts are radio? Who wants to make a podcast with me?! Does EVERYONE have a podcast?? Does the world NEED more podcasts??

10. We can win.

 

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Let’s talk about Twinkies for a minute.

Hey, there’s something I’ve never said before.

Everyone knows Hostess is going out of business. You know that, right? If not, sorry to break it to you like this: you’re probably never going to have a Twinkie again. Sorry.

I know, I know, this is tragic stuff. (Official first world problem?)

When the news broke, people rushed (literally) to grocery and convenience stores all over the country, buying up all the Twinkies. No, they weren’t doing it to stock up their pantries:

They did it to sell them on Ebay.

First of all, can we just talk about how stereotypically American this is?

1. Twinkies. 2. Selling shit on Ebay. 3. Selling Twinkies on Ebay (what even?). 4. Get rick quick schemes!

I hate it and I love it at the same time.

So, there was the Twinkie Rush of 2012. Maybe this’ll be what makes it in the history books from our generation. Sad? Maybe. Delicious? Um, not really.

Hey, there’s another point of mine: NO ONE EVEN LIKES TWINKIES.

No, you don’t. Let’s be real here – me and you. They’re gross. They’re squishy, fake cake, filled with white creamy sugary stuff. No.

So, if no one likes Twinkies, who exactly are these Ebay-sellers expecting to buy them? Especially at ridiculously high prices? No.

Anyway, everyone knows that the Twinkie is going to be sticking around. Some other company will buy up the recipe (or, will buy the large amount of never-expiring twinkie stock) and continue selling them under some other name for years and generations to come. Yum?

P.s. No, Twinkies cannot last forever. No, they will not survive the apocalypse (so if you did buy some ridiculously expensive snack cakes, you’d better get your money’s worth from them now… only a few weeks left!). They have a shelf life of 28 days! Mmm, Twinkies.

That is all.