Do you feel old yet, dear? Do your bones ache at night when you lay in your soft bed? Do your blue eyes wrinkle at the edges, does your blonde hair grow grey?
The joints go first, torn up, imagine how much effort they put in as you walk casually along, unafraid of death or destruction.
The eyes will sink into your face, dear, but you’ll still be beautiful as you cry in the mirror.
Your dreams will become stranger as you grow slowly towards darkness. You might see me there sometime.
You’ll know it’s time when you start to miss your grandmother’s clothes.
Her bones became your bones, you share the same face now, and fate.
Are you happy? Are you well-loved? Do you miss me? Who do you miss? Will you answer my questions, one day?
She isn’t waiting for you anywhere. You’ll never get to meet her again. Does that make you feel better, or worse?
You will sing to him before he can understand you. You will keep singing and become a memory in his head.
Sleep gently in the cool autumn nights. Feel restful in your bed. Stand still in the sunshine.
We are all going there.
Why do I always need to heal? Why do I keep being broken? Is it my fault, or is everyone the same?
Whatever spirit exists that keeps track of things like Karma and Luck will know I wasn’t wrong. The snow will pile up around you this winter and your home will be warm from the anger inside. There are so many people and so many of them are deaf to everything outside their own head.
His music booms and keeps his downstairs neighbors awake. We lie in the dark, listening, wishing they would go to sleep, too. Your words can’t always help them. Healing crystals are nothing but pretty bits of Earth. Move away.
Another foreign-tongued boy. They are some miracle, like me but not like me. I will never be as easily interesting as that bilingual brain.
“That is what has hurt me the most,” she says, “over and over again through the years. Loving people who don’t love me. But I won’t stop.”
Think of it like the size of the waves and not the tide itself. From on top of all that we can see much more clearly our chaos. There is some safety raft, or there will be. Some sweet, warm ride. Some life jacket from shark’s teeth and seagulls.
Let memories be behind you. There is much more to see.