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Tag Archives: mental-health

boiz

1. Sometimes people don’t want to talk about themselves – and instead will do so while talking about other things.

2. Stop talking about how unintelligent other people are. It makes you sound stupid.

3. Always remind yourself to love other people’s love.

4. Listen to your favorite music right before that job interview/first date/other really exciting/scary event in your life! It will calm you down and remind you of the person that you actually are – not the person who’s really fucking nervous!

5. If you find that the people who you love/care about most have nothing left in common with you, it might be time to find new people to love/care about. Not that you have to drop those old relationships – it’s just time for some new ones.

6.I love you but your spelling is terrible.

7. Sometimes you just need a little reminder that there is so much more out there than what you can see.

8. Endings are sad/hard/can be the end of something good. However, endings are also the beginning. Of what, who knows – but something!

9. A baby dog crying is way worse than a baby human crying!

10. Sure, that thing you’re supposed to do later takes the effort of getting out of your chair/bed/house – and sometimes all you want to do is not do anything. But, it’s always better to experience new things – even if you have to force yourself into it, even if you really would rather lay on that nice, comfy couch… The couch will wait for you! The experience, not so much.

1. Recently while watching TV at work I yelled “Your boobs look great!” at an infomercial about “special” bras. These things happen.

2. All I really want is a pouty European boy with a weird accent.

3. How long has it been since you built your last couch cushion fort?

4. If someone warns you that your beverage is hot, don’t test it out for yourself and burn your tongue. Just believe them.

5. There are people out there doing what you want to be doing. Maybe you think you can’t do it – but you can! They did!

6. What ever happened to Lady Gaga? Remember her?

7. I really want to hire a Psychologist and have them diagnose people with different mental disorders by only looking at their tumblr pages.

8. Just because spellcheck says it’s a word, doesn’t mean you’ve got it right. (Actual real life Facebook example: “Some of Gods greasiest gifts are unanswered prayers!!” So greasy.)

9. Sometimes I think people just keep the Starbucks cup they got that one time and refill it with coffee from home. You don’t actually go to Starbucks that often, right? Right?

10. It’s time to step it up a notch. Turn it up a step. You get what I mean. Go for broke! Go big or go home! Go to Bed! Wait, what?

Speaking in front of large (or small) groups of people? Presentations? Oh god no.

I now present to you, my seven stages of presentation anxiety:

1. The excited, naive Jenni.

Oh, yay! This presentation topic sounds interesting. 

Oh, look – I can use that picture on my powerpoint slide! I’m sure the audience will think it’s as hilarious as I do!

What color scheme should I use? Blue? Red? Black and White?

This is going to be so great. They are going to love this! I am so funny. They are going to think I’m so funny!

2. The increasingly shaky Jenni.

Oh, god. My presentation is in an hour!

Are my hands shaking? My hands are shaking.

This sucks. I don’t want to do this. Can I get out of doing this, in any way possible? No. I have to do this. Crap.

Are my hands shaking? Yep, still shaking.

Ok, You’re going to do fine. Calm down. Calm down.

3. The inner peace Jenni.

Ok, deep breaths.

What does this online article say to do to relax?

Ok, deep breath in. Hold for 3 seconds. Exhale.

Yep, this is working. Calm down… It’s all gonna be OK.

Maybe this weird yoga pose in this bathroom stall will help. Ah, yes. Calm. I am calm.

4. The incredibly un-calm Jenni.

Oh, god. Oh, crap. No. Please, no. Why?!

My heart is beating so fast. Sheesh, why is my heart beating so fast? Am I getting a good cardio workout out of this?

My hands are shaking. I’m not even going to look at them. I’m going to pretend this is all perfectly normal body behavior. Yup.

Deep breaths? Is that a joke? Yeah right. Crap. Only 15 minutes until my presentation. 

5. The deathly calm Jenni. 

Calm. So Calm. Was I ever worried? I feel fine. 

My presentation is going to be fine. I know every word I’m going to say. I have my notes right here – they’ll be right in front of me while I’m talking.

So calm. Deadly calm. 

This will be fine. I’ve got this.

Calm.

6. The presenting Jenni.

Am I talking too loud? I don’t know how loud I’m talking.

Did I pause too long just then? Crap.

Am I going too fast? 

Did I just stare blankly into the audience? What does my face look like right now?

Am I turning red? I’m turning red, aren’t I? Crap. Every time, man.

7. The I-am-super-great-at-presenting Jenni.

I did so good. Look, they’re clapping for me. Yeah.

Did I talk too loud? I don’t know if I was talking too loud.

Ok, my face feels really warm. How red did it get up there, anyway?

Are my hands shaking? Yep, still shaking. But, it’s OK because I’m done!

Until next time…