You wake up and you feel it almost immediately. You try to shake it off, brush your teeth, eat breakfast; it’s still there. Maybe it’s in your house, along with all the good and terrible memories. You get in your car, drive away toward somewhere. Where can you go? Shopping? Maybe that’s how people become shopaholics. Addicts. Maybe they’re all the same. Maybe we could all easily become like them; we were just born into different circumstances — found ourselves in a better place when we popped out into the world, and now we all struggle to stay upright where our mothers left us.
You pull into the mall parking lot. You turn off your car, but you know you’re not going in, so you roll down your window and sit still for a few minutes. It feels a little better. But running away doesn’t solve anything. What you’re looking for can’t be purchased at any store. Time is the only thing that helps. Time passes you by out the car window; people march in and out of the store, lugging out bags full of things they may or may not need. You put your seatbelt back on; you’ve sat there long enough, let enough time go by, and it’s still the same and it still will be the same for quite some time.
You could call someone. A friend. But it seems that these days all of your old friends are busy living their own completely different lives. It just doesn’t work anymore. Maybe you need to meet new people. Maybe you need to move. Anything to avoid staying here and falling slightly down, becoming something else. What were you born to be? This? Maybe new friends can’t help you. Maybe a new city can’t help you, either. Maybe nothing can. Maybe everything is just a cover-up, just a distraction. Just like sleep. That’s why you feel it the most in the early mornings, when you can still hear the birds chirping in the dying trees across the street, before the motors start and don’t stop until well after nightfall. That’s why some days, when you don’t have a calendar full of tasks to complete before you head back to bed, when you wake up and look at the clock and realize how many hours are going to stretch out in front of you, you feel it. Life. Just living. What the birds and the squirrels would feel if they had brains like we do. Emptiness. Or, rather, not emptiness. A lack of something that is full of something else. An empty fullness we try to cover up with the society we’ve created. With the laws, the stop signs, the uniforms of employees and school children. With religion. With purpose; an easy purpose, one-size-fits-all, that can be found in several different very old books. And, of course, with shopping.
1. If you want to talk on the phone with someone, you must like them more than an average amount – because who talks on the phone?
2. “Before I know myself, seek not to know me.” Did I just quote Shakespeare?! Oh god! Who am I?
3. Money is useless. However, it just so happens that people are willing to trade you good things for it – like books, education, flowers, and plane tickets.
4. Sometimes I have to translate words in my head – like when British people use the word “football”.
5. How accomplished I feel in a day depends heavily on how many emails I send out. You too?
6. It’s easy to regret the things you’ve done, but what you really should be focusing on is all of the things you didn’t do! You’re welcome.
7. Say what you mean or say nothing at all.
8. Don’t be afraid to go it alone. Sometimes your friends/family aren’t into the same music as you are/don’t want to road trip to New York/hate shopping. Don’t miss out on that opportunity just because no one would go with you – no matter what it is. (see #6)
9. Meeting a new person is pretty much the same as traveling to another country/planet/universe in your head. You can never know too many people – they expand your understanding of the world and your place in it.
10. Have you seen the movie Everything is Illuminated? No? Well, you should!
I’m going to California tomorrow.
Ok, ok – that’s not totally true. I’m going towards California tomorrow. I’ll be on my way to California tomorrow. It just sounds better the other way.
Me and my pal Nicole [N.] are off on a 8 day summer journey – from Detroit, Mi to Phoenix, from Phoenix to Las Vegas, and (finally!) on to California. We’ll be renting a tiny car to drive up and down and all over California and the west coast (also Vegas).
And it all starts tomorrow. My bags are (partially) packed! I’m ready! Let’s do this!
Since I’m pretty sure our packed-full days are going to fly by, I’ve decided to lug along my computer (through airport security! wish me luck!) and write a
daily nightly post here on my beautiful site!
So, if you really want to, you can follow along with me as I discover California…
California is important to me in a big way. I’ve never been there (I don’t count a 30 minute drive-through on a family trip to Arizona), not really, but I’ve wanted to go there for a long time now. A lot of the people I really admire either lived or worked or visited there. (Also, I really like oceans…)
I just feel like there’s a force that’s pulling people towards certain places – like London, or New York, or… California. There are places people just want to go.
So, this isn’t just a fun summer vacation with friends – this trip holds a lot of meaning to me. Who knows, I may fall in love and move to CA after college – or maybe I’ll hate it there! (Yeah, right.)
We shall see… Oh, and if you’re reading this and you’re from the LA area, or you’ve been there — Where should I go? What should I see? Tell me everything!