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1. Holy sheeshing fudge crap! You must watch “Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt” on Netflix! It’s really good. Which is weird, because it’s a t.v. show. But it is! It just came out this month, and every episode of the first season is available to watch. Thank gosh and his son jeepers we live in 2015 where no one has any patience and we all just want to binge watch 8 month’s worth of work in one sitting!

2. It’s almost spring. I went outside the other day and I wasn’t cold! I heard this weird noise and then I realized that it was a bird chirping! Wow. Spring.

3. This year I paid attention on St. Patrick’s day and I was terrified and embarrassed. Why are all these Americans pretending they like beer?! Also, no, you’re not Irish. Calm down. Also also, good job pulling out the iron to get the wrinkles out of that green shirt you keep in your closet to wear once a year. You yanks!!

4. Once an Irish person (like, a real one) called me a yank and I was like, “Uh-uh! Only my people get to use that word!”

5. Ok, we get it, you read Hemingway and Vonnegut! But like, really, what do you read?

6. Bukowski hated Shakespeare, too.

7. Did people share pictures of themselves in their bathroom mirrors before the internet? How did we all communicate before Facebook?! Remember telephone conversations? Yeah, me too! Weird.

8. It’s almost sidewalk chalk season. Also hopscotch. Also jump rope. Wait, we’re all still 8, right? Just kidding, these activities are ageless. For-all-ages. Let’s get chalky.

9. It’s so hard to motivate yourself when you have no motivation to motivate yourself.

10. Find a goal.

Not everyone can be everything. This is still something I’m struggling with. Someone has to be onstage at a concert, someone has to be the crowd. Someone has to mop the floors at McDonalds, someone has to collect the neighborhood’s trash. Someone has to work at  that grocery store for thirty years, wearing the same blue-collared shirt until it goes threadbare, wearing the same faded black pants until the boss declares it’s time for a new pair. Not everyone can be everything. Not everyone wants to be. This is still something I’m struggling with. The cashier likes her job, she likes to talk to people. The janitor hums while he mops. They aren’t in constant pain. They’re okay. I can’t understand it. I’m not like that.

“This is why there’s smog in L.A., because if there wasn’t, if people could see the stars, they’d realize how tiny they are, and they’d never audition for a McDonalds commercial ever again.”

At a concert, someone’s on the stage. In the crowd, the people stand, watching, swaying, singing, bobbing their heads. The performer has his dream, but the people have dreams, too. They want something like what’s on that stage — maybe not that exact thing, but something. Not everyone can be everything, but everyone can be something. I don’t understand what happens to those dreams. This is something I’m still struggling with.

It’s almost 2013. 2013! Can you feel it? I’m feeling it. I think 2013 is going to be great. Fantastic. Wonderful, even.

Some big things are coming up for me, in 2013. I’m graduating from college this Spring! Ah! I know. Yikes!

I’m moving out of my parents’ house! Ah! Independence! Frightening.

I’m moving out of Michigan! More yikes. More scary.

I’m getting a really cool job somewhere, that I really like, and that pays me an adequate sum of money for my time! Yay!

These are, of course, my plans. Things could change. Things will change. 2013 is coming, and bringing with it new, exciting life events!

Instead of looking back at 2012, like a lot of people are doing right-about-now, I’m looking forward. For once. Things are going to be different in 20-13! Oh. Twenty-thirteen doesn’t have quite the ring to it as twenty-twelve. Or, do I just have to get used to saying it? Maybe it three or four months I’ll like it better, it’ll roll off the tongue… anyway.

Basically, next year is the time to do all the things you thought about/wanted to do this year, but didn’t have the chance/time/bravery to do. What will you be doing in twenty-thirteen? (See, it almost works… a few more repetitions, and it’ll be super smooth-sounding.)

Instead of making resolutions, I’m making plans. And by plans, I mean that I’m making this list, of:

THINGS I WANT TO DO IN TWENTY-THIRTEEN

Start a Podcast!

Travel out of the USA

Graduate from College

Move out/Get an apartment

Leave Michigan

Get a J-O-B!

Write a movie script

PUT DOWN THE CELL PHONE

Make eye contact (not in a creepy way!)

Submit writing to magazines/journals

Be in a play/musical at school!

Practice/Learn Piano

Be more SOCIAL

Explore

Take more pictures! (Instagrams DO NOT COUNT)

Learn to Surf!

Learn to Ski!

Be ORGANIZED

Volunteer AT LEAST ONCE

Give blood

Sell stuff on Etsy again

Random Acts of Kindness!

World Book Night!

Be Brave, Honest, and Strong

Whew. Good thing 2013 is a full year, eh? Anyway, I think these goals rollover into the next year. 😉

Is the ball dropping yet? Twenty-Thirteen, here we come! (See, it works now! Twenty-Thirteen!)

Ok, I lied. I just can’t walk away from 2012 without a word goodbye! It’s been a great year. Here are a few of my favorite posts from the past year. Now I’ll see you in 2013! OK. Bye.

 A Dot on the Map

Why you should never look up to anyone

An Unburial

Californiacation, part 0

rust, dirt, men, and the world

a simple life question

i love you and i love you and i respect you

 

 

“I hate this fucking game!” (a guy in the library, obviously not doing school work!)

“… the first lady – Michelle Obama – …” (like we didn’t know)

“He bit it. He died. He slit his own throat.” (the things Philosophy majors talk about… scary.)

“…she looks younger now that she’s fat.” (the things girls talk about…)

“He has big dreams, but reality is going to come crashing in.” (a woman talking about her son.)

What does an ideal day consist of for you? I’m talking anything. If you could spend your days any way you’d like, what would you do? How would you spend them? What would bring you the most joy, the most satisfaction, the most happiness?

I want an answer. A solid, real answer. No wishy-washy stuff: “Oh, I’d like to have some money, and just, you know, do… stuff.”

Where would you work? Who would you be friends with? How would you spend your time?

You know they say that “you can be anything”, you can do anything, yatta yatta. And you really can. It all depends on you.

I believe that 100%. That’s what makes life so scary – you only have one of them (Not going to say YOLO right here, don’t worry!), and you can do whatever you want with it (it’s all up to you!), and the choices that you make in your life cannot be reversed.

That’s scary, right? They don’t make video games like that – you have an endless supply of lives! You have a “mission” or “goal” to achieve to beat the game. You can go back to an old save if you accidentally kill someone and/or buy something you can’t afford (a giant house, maybe? A car? A kid?)!

What are you going to do with your life? Or, what are you doing with your life?

I can’t really answer any of these questions that I’ve been bombarding you with. I don’t really have a life plan. Sure, I know what I don’t want to do, I know who I don’t want to be friends with, I know how I don’t want to spend my time. I have a lot of those vague wishy-washy dreams – and they seem to be working out pretty well for me so far.

Ok, here’s one more question: If you know where you want to be, and who you want to be, and I told you that I could make you into that person right now – would you accept my offer? Would you become your “dream self” right now?

Or, do you want to spend your time – however long it takes – struggling to become that person?

Maybe I can’t answer this question fairly because I don’t really know where it is my life is heading – I am sort of automatically taking the latter option.

Does it matter if you have the ability to be anything you want to be if you don’t know what it is that you want to be?