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1. Do the makers of “Jurassic World” expect us all to forget what happened at “Jurassic Park”? I’m just seeing a remake. How could we ever forget?! Never forget, y’all. So, do you want to go to the movies with me?

2. Keep talking, keep telling me all of your problems and your messed up perspective of the world, you’re giving me so much information for me to use in my future poems about you!

3. I love this song. It’s terrible! It’s amazing! It sounds like this guy has allergies/is crying/is super happy/doesn’t know how to speak English. ALSO, how do hip hop dudes decide on their hip hop names? Because it seems like they draw random words out of a hat. “Chedda Da Connect? It’s perfect!

4. How to win hearts: http://imgur.com/gallery/SDUYW

5. Remember pencil chewers? Me too. Remember borrowing a pencil and holding it in your hand and realizing not only was there no eraser (so therefore the pencil was useless!), but the metal part was all chewed so therefore had been in someone’s mouth!? Yeah.

6. I was sitting at a table full of strangers recently. A few years ago that would’ve terrified me, but these days I love meeting new people. Not, like, talking to them or anything, just meeting them. Which sometimes involves a bit of talking, but, whatever. So there I was, meeting these people, listening to them tell me about their really exciting lives (or their really not exciting lives). This one guy was really outgoing and funny and a great story teller, and this other guy sitting next to him was pretty quiet and mousy and shy. And I remember thinking about this quiet dude, and I compared him to the talkative funny dude, and, even though I am a quiet dude myself, I thought badly of him for not being interesting enough! Even though I was doing the exact same thing! Maybe he has a personality, just not at a table full of strangers? Anyway, what’s the point of all of this? I don’t know. Maybe that I’m a terrible person. Maybe I judged that guy harshly for being a quiet person because I am one. And/or because all of my friends have always been more boisterous than me/I’m usually the quiet person/I don’t know how to talk to quiet people.

7. You can sit still as much as you want, but the world keeps on spinning, with or without you.

8. Small screaming children and drunken old people are pretty much the same.

9. I can’t fix all of your problems/everything that’s wrong with you! You’ve got to do something!

10. You should really focus on yourself. I know it’s easy/feels better to focus on other stuff/less important things/other people/drama/netflix, whatever it is you’re distracting yourself with. (Bob’s Burgers?? No way! I would never.) But it’s really not better. ALSO, you should read this article on Vice; it’s really good and talks about some of the same sort of things. Because no one yells at you enough these days!

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1. It’s so hard when someone you care about is hurting. There’s only so much you can say (over and over again), only so many smiley emojis to send. You really can’t fully understand what they’re going through. You can be there for them, but how useful is that?

2. Stop filling time. You’re not supposed to be that person. Remember all that stuff you want to do? Why aren’t you doing it?

3. More and more I appreciate people who say offensive shit because people are becoming so SENSITIVE about EVERYTHING.

4. Do what it is you do.

5. People told me about Bob’s Burgers. They said I should watch it. Did I listen? Sort of. Did I listen soon enough? NO! It’s so good.

6. It doesn’t have to be your fault. Maybe it’s not anyone’s fault. Really.

7. “You’re so chill.” I am?! When did that happen? Huh.

8. When did everyone I talk to start using slang all the time? It’s like I no longer speak English! It’s like I’m old! 

9. I should probably stop assuming every super awkward person I meet has Asperger’s. Oooops. I’m like a walking, very specific, WebMD!

10. I feel like not having a cell phone is going to add years onto my life, just in the amount of stress reduced alone from not having to wait between each text message.