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Today’s a great Monday because Youth Lagoon just released a song from their upcoming album! This band is especially special to me because I’ve got great memories of awkwardly standing alone in a dark room and listening to them jam. Really, it was great!

Happy Monday. Try not to do anything too awkward today. Tell me what you’re listening to!

The Knower – Youth Lagoon

The Tea Song – Michael Hurley

You Can Have It All – Yo La Tengo

Wakin on a Pretty Day – Kurt Vile

Philomena – The Decemberists

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bagel lady: “good morning.”

me: …

bagel lady: “good morning.”

me: “good morning…”

bagel lady: “are you ready?”

me: “umm….”

bagel lady: …

bagel lady: …

bagel lady: …

me: “could i have a sesame bagel?”

bagel lady: “do you want that toasted? do you want anything on it?”

me: “yes. do you have cream cheese?”

bagel lady: “… yes, we have cream cheese.”

me: “what kinds?”

bagel lady: “it’s on the sign. …we have eight kinds of cream cheese.”

me: “oh… chive. thank you…”

THE END

1. Everyone needs that one friend who has excellent taste in movies/music. If you don’t know that person yet, go find them! They won’t come to you, they have too many movies to watch!

2. Kindles/other electronic readers are so not as handy as people claim. “Now I can read without carrying a book around!” Yeah, right. If you say that, you definitely never carry a book around anyway.

3. Sometimes it just seems like it’s always too late.

4. Don’t give yourself away so easily. Stick up for who you are. After all, that’s all this place is is people and other people who follow them around.

5. That awkward moment when someone introduces themselves and then you immediately forget their name.

6. Why are all the cool/successful people 32 or 35?! Does it take that long to become cool/successful?!

7. Words of the week: clarity. grandiose. honky. tragedy. expectations. tetanus.

8. Let him/her go, but not completely. Just enough.

9. Let’s be honest here, food pics are great. Don’t be ashamed! How are selfies ok but not food pics? No way. Let’s start a revolution.

10. I still think you’re beautiful.

It’s always the same thoughts in different situations:

 
“He’s so close, yet so far away.”

“It’s going to happen.”

“It’s never going to happen.”

I hate feeling this way, this deep-down bubbly terrified feeling that seems to be a product of either evolution or of thinking too much. Maybe both.

I wish it were easy. I wish you could know me, without the awkward pauses or silliness, without the socially-agreed-upon acquaintance behavior.

I wish words worked better for me, wish I could tell you about how a few nights ago I sat in the dark grinning to myself, thinking about how wonderful and horrible it all is. I wish that would flow out smoothly from my mouth, make you understand that I’m a creature just like you, with dreams and plans and more than just an empty swivel chair figure taking up too much elbow space.

“It’s going to happen.”

“It’s never going to happen.”

But it’s always the same: always too much bravery or not enough at all the wrong times. Always too much contact or not enough; You’re either always there or never there and it doesn’t matter which because nothing ever happens anyway.

“It’s never going to happen.”

Always the same: a lot of laughing and smiling and refusing to cry over something so silly, over something so nothing.

“It’s never going to happen.”

And it ends the same, too: me, alone, grinning in the dark at how horrible and wonderful it all is.

1. When I go to pass you on the expressway because you are annoyingly going 3 under the speed limit, why do you immediately speed up when you see me get into the fast lane to go around you?

2. Sure, those signs say “No Smoking” – but I’m sure they didn’t mean you couldn’t smoke there!

3. If you’re standing in the front row at a concert, do not turn around and stare at all of the people behind you! It’s so awkward – especially if you’re all packed in so tightly that no one can escape your piercing gaze! Don’t you know the unspoken concert rules?!

4. Don’t go to Mcdonalds. Just don’t do it. You know you’re going to regret it as soon as you swallow that last bite of greasy “beef”!

5. Who are these people buying $500 boots? Mine cost $20 from Target, thank you – and they’re fine!

6. You know that awkward moment after someone sneezes and no one says “Bless You”? Yeah.

7. When is the appropriate time during class to pull out a juice box?

8. I don’t care what the law says, if you ride a motorcycle without a helmet, you are an idiot. Fact.

9. I want someone to make me a mix tape. Do people even make mix tapes anymore?

10. Have you ever seen those infomercials that pretend they are very important breaking news? Yeah.