you are still there

You still make me smile. But the thing that long-lingers on my face afterward is no longer caused by a happiness, or an excitement for something that is just beginning; Now sadness is there, helping to pull up the corners of my mouth. And it is a strange feeling, happiness and sadness mixed on my lips, frozen on my face.

I’ve always felt that I expect too much from people. I hold people to too-high standards. I want too much,  jump in too quickly, take too much of them.

And it makes me feel bad, when a friend doesn’t see the point in going on a one-day trip to a different city for the sole purpose of going there. What for? they might ask. Why so soon? Can’t we wait a few days?

No, no, I’d say, mentally frowning, shaking my internal head at them. You need to be better. You need to want more. Can’t that thing you were planning on doing today wait? Can’t you just go with me, run away, drop it, forget about it, do it later? This is an adventure I’m talking about! This is so much better than feeding your cat, watching that movie, making dinner, talking to your boyfriend. Hello? Are you still there? Why are you still there?