Library guy to his friend: Why do you wear all those fly ass golf shirts if you don’t golf?
Guy #1: We have that really smart guy in our group – Ryan?
Guy #2: Ryan?
Guy #1: Yeah, Ryan. He’s super smart and really short. He has a really high-pitched voice?
Guy #2: Oh.
Guy #1: Yeah, he got us like 10 sources already for the paper.
Guy #2: Cool.
Classmate: “Is that my phone? Did somebody text me – does somebody care? …. Nope.”
“I’M ON A DIET UNTIL MARCH FIRST! YOU KNOW THAT!” – lady looking at candy bars at Meijer, to her friend.
“Hey guys, don’t worry: That snapping and straining you hear is not the support cables breaking!” – Guy at the North American International Auto Show in Detroit, Mich., as the doors closed on a overly-packed elevator with me inside.