amen, pamphlet, amen

So there I was, throwing around 10-pound bags of potatoes at work. (The scene has now been set. Are you picturing this?)

I turn away from the “potato area”, and who do I see before me? A boy, must’ve been about 11 years old, going, “Excuse me, miss.” So I look at him and he holds out something to me, and he’s all, “I’d like to give you this pamphlet about how to get into Heaven.” The kid’s mom is standing behind him, b.t.w. (extra details for your mental image, if you will.)

Me: “Ok, thank you.” *takes heaven pamphlet, continues throwing potatoes around*

I watch the kid and his mom as they walk away, and where do they head? OUT OF THE STORE. Either I got their last Heaven guide book, or someone called in an Atheist sighting. (I prefer the latter, it’s a better story.)

The trash can is right next to me but i don’t throw the pamphlet away. I keep holding it in my hand and I think about what just happened. My first thought was that I wish I would have said, “No, thank you.” and refused to take it from the boy. But maybe he got some sort of god-points for passing them out around town. Like boy scouts, right? He earned his passing-out-leaflets badge today.

Excuse me, but no. Did I ask for your heaven info? Who said I even wanted your heaven info? I don’t. I mean, I get why this kid was passing these things out. I get why his mom was making him pass these things out. Because people will take things from little blonde boys. Because people want to help him get his god-points. Right? And religious people believe in their religion and they think everyone else should, too.

Excuse me, but no. If i wanted your religious info, I’d go to church. People know about religion. It isn’t like it’s a big secret, and you handing out pamphlets (to store employees, no less) reveals the whole “religion” idea to people.

Also, I’d like to formally complain to the Heaven Guide Book industry that my pamphlet came wrinkled. That has to be a sin, let’s be honest.

Also also, for anyone who’s interested:

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